Frames of Time...
001_06 - Roku
December 26, 2005
Roku left us today. He was a most remarkable fellow. I want to talk about him... but there is too much to say. The most important thing to say is that he loved Rachel. In my half a century I have seldom seen a couple so in tune. They would think and act as one. Of course I will remember so many things about him. His 'woo-woo'. His leaning. His love of beef. His desire to hug. His love of ice cream. His howl. His love of cottage cheese. His scolding us when we stayed out too long. His love of whipped cream. His smooth movement in the ring. His 'big head'. His gentleman manners. His cottage cheese nose. His game of 'eat' my face. And much, much more. But key was his love of his wife (Star). His love of his children. His love of his grand children. Of all the folks I have ever met, he was the most family man I ever knew. And it rubbed off. Tonight it is obvious that Star and Eagle (first born son) miss him. They have a saddness, and a frustration, almost anger at his being gone - like a child whose parent is suddenly taken. All of our kids are unique in their own ways. But Roku was a true one-of-a-kind. A personality that will never be seen again, but always remembered. Tonight I opened the refrigerator and came face to face with a large, fresh cut of beef. I cried. He loved beef, and would ask for it specifically if offered. I then wondered what we'll do with the cottage cheese. Then I heard one of his catch phrases, "I love you, dad" and felt a little better for he did love me. But it was nothing like his love for Rachel. Again, the most important thing was that he loved Rachel. And, she loved him. You can see some photos and art of him at Rachel's page, www dot 6stardanes dot com.
December 27, 2005
Our first day without Roku. Started it with a playtime amongst grandma Star, papa Eagle and his two kids, Rooster and Kele. The foursome had a grand time playing, grooming and just cuddling. It helped remind all that the family remains. I also found the day to be somewhat relieving. True, Roku's departure left a large hole in our home. However, also gone was the stress and tears of his later days. There was no worry about waking up and wondering if he had made the night. There was no wondering if he would eat. There was no wondering if he would be able to stand up. The good was gone... but so was the bad. We spent some time looking at the final pictures taken. His face was often flat, tired. He perked up for some whipped cream, but that was all. It was his time. He knew it. And I knew it. Now he is up taking care of the others who have left us. In fact, it struck me he will see some we never got to know - his kids who died too young to even open their eyes. (There were two.) I miss him very much. But I do not miss him suffering. That gives me a calm I have not always had with our other kids who left.
text, photo and format © John Cawley
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